how could you

damn you- you promised me forever. how could you leave me here all alone? you promised me love, and stars, and hopes, and dreams- our dreams – you promised. flowers, golden years, a clean garage, and hugs, and music, you promised to chase the monsters out from under the bed- remember?! don’t you remember? they broke your promises- I wonder if they realize that- they broke all your promises…….

Alteration of Government Documents

excerpt from Texas Open Records Act – The Act also criminalizes the destruction, alteration, or concealment of public records. Section 552.351 provides that the willful destruction, mutilation, removal without permission, or alteration of public records is a misdemeanor punishable by confinement in county jail for a minimum of three days and a maximum of three months, or a fine of a minimum of $25 and a maximum of $4,000, or both confinement and the fine.

that’s a no-no boys. no altering of documents includes audio and video-

letter to editor

this was a letter I wrote to the editor of the newspaper a few days after Rick was killed. Part of me so in control- analytical-………so “together”.

I don’t know if I should be saddened by the gullibility of the citizens of Wichita Falls, outraged by the police department’s attempt to cover their ass, or amazed by TRN’s biased and slanted reporting of the whole incident. Why were 6 patrol cars and an officer with a camcorder at the scene of the accident 2 mornings before the pursuit videos were released to TRN? If the WFPD found no fault, why the sudden need to be back at the “crime scene” 1 ½ weeks after the accident? And was a new and different reason for the pursuit cited with each new day of reporting? Was I the only one who noticed the tape cut out seconds before the collision and picked back up with Mr. Owens vehicle at rest against the tree. Inquiring minds would like to know why the police department cut the most important 3-5 seconds of the tape? As for the “openness and cooperation” by the WFPD – PLEASE- TRN was forced to file under the Freedom of Information Act to view tapes and documents that are PUBLIC RECORD! Why was Mr. Owens only convicted 3 times and arrested 16 times? …maybe because he was awaiting trial on the charges. Before you complain about a breakdown in the system, learn how the system works. It’s called due process, innocent until proven guilty by a jury of one’s peers. Half of Mr. Owens previous ARRESTS were dropped, meaning the charges were unsubstantiated. In retrospect, who needs the legal system when one can be tried by the TRN who deems itself judge, jury, and the police as executioners? “Career criminal”? Mr. Owens was an employee of CertainTeed for 13 years, and Howmet Castings for 5 years. The city code violation was a ticket for watering his yard on the wrong day. TRN neglected to mention the fact that Mr. Owens did not have a single felony conviction on his record.

The WFPD is made up of human beings and as such, they are not immune to human emotions such as frustration, anger, greed, self-preservation, manipulation. In actuality these men are probably more inclined to eventually act on these emotions, given the degrees of inhumanity they encounter on a daily basis.

For the record, it is not my contention that the WFPD intended for Mr. Owens to die I do however think they “dropped the ball.” And when faced with the choice of taking partial responsibility for what happened, they instead chose the more financially sound road of attacking and dehumanizing Richard Owens. I want to challenge the people of Wichita Falls to form their own opinions rather than having them formed by the slanted reporting of the TRN and the agency who had the biggest stake in finding themselves “at no fault”.

found in a notebook

sometimes I run across something I jotted down after the wreck. this is one of those things,
that should be here, in this journal.

God- please don’t let me fall asleep. please. I can’t – because as long as I don’t fall asleep and wake up again – I can tell myself this is just a bad nightmare and I’m going to wake up any minute now. Please god – let me wake up. Let me wake up and find Rick here beside me, safe and sound. I can’t do this – I don’t know how to breathe without him. I don’t want to breathe without him.

Come on Rick – come home. I need you – You can’t leave me here like this.

I sent everyone home. Too many people around here accepting this. Sent them home – closed the shades – shut the door – and quit answering the phone. Why is everyone talking about you in the past tense. I heard you coming in the front door less than an hour ago……….. “it’s me.”

the love affair goes on…..

An interview with Mrs. Reagan was on the news a few minutes ago. The only bit of news of I’ve caught this week. I listened as she talked about her husband. And I said a prayer for God to watch over and comfort her tonight. After the governors and soldiers and diplomats and friends have gone home, and her family has retired to their own rooms for the night – she will slip into the role of the one left behind. The bed will feel too big, the air too quiet, and the night too long. Memories of so many years filled with love will consume her thoughts. And when she wakes in the middle of the night reaching for her husband – her heart will break again. May God hold and keep you Mrs. Reagan. I didn’t know you but I’m familiar with this new road that’s been laid in front of you. and I am so very sorry for your loss. Know that you’ll be in my thoughts and in my prayers tonight. God Bless.

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

When tomorrow starts without you, &
You’r not here to see my eyes
full of tears,
showing my love for you

I wish I wouldn’t cry so much,
the way I did that day
Thinking of the many things
we didn’t get to say
I know how much you Love me,
as much as I love you

each time you think of me,
I’m thinking of you too
Little drops of rain
Whisper of the pain
Tears of love Lost
in the days gone by.

it seemed almost impossible,
that you were leaving me
a tear fell from my eye
Remembering the life
I lived with you

why you had to leave
I did not want you to go,
with having so much
for us to do
a life for us to leap
with hearts
full of love so deep

I remember when you met me
Like an angel came
took me by my hand
and made my life feel
in heaven far above

when tomorrow starts without you,
don’t think that we’re apart
For every time you think of me,
just look within your heart
and there you will find me

Copy Rights 2004

undo this

Maybe because I hadn’t been in your house since that night, or maybe because I haven’t watched any home videos of you- I haven’t allowed myself to think you’re really gone forever. Some where deep inside I believed you’ve just been away. Since I left your house yesterday it feels different- hurts so much I can’t breathe when I think of you. This cannot be- do you hear me? DO YOU?! YOU UNDO THIS NOW – I mean it Rick- right now!

in your house

click to play…..

Today was the first time I could sit in your room, talk to you, try to understand what happened- how it happened- how the hell we got from where we started to here.

……….this thought in the back of my mind that you might be there, needed you to be there. I sat on your bed for a long time, listening- begging the walls to replay us talking, laughing, loving. I couldn’t stop myself from calling your name- (oh God, please-please let him answer). shhhh………don’t move, afraid the slightest rustle would drown out your voice. I waited and waited – but nothing, only the echo of an empty house. All that was us, what was no more came crashing in around me, inside me. You’re never coming home. Our last moments together- right here in this room reeled through my mind. ….happy, joking, teasing- neither of us aware of what was coming in a few short hours- each tick of the clock carrying us closer to this nothing – this empty, dark house where I scream your name- begging you to answer ……realizing you never will. I didn’t want to leave- I sat there on your bed – tell God and everyone else to fuck off. I’m not going anywhere until you send Rick back to me! and if you won’t send him back then I will stay here until I fade into the darkness. But the longer I sat there- the more awake, more aware I became of the emptiness of your bed, your room, your house – you were everywhere – yet knowing you weren’t and never would be again. Suddenly I couldn’t get out of there fast enough, nor would staying forever be long enough………

driving away I felt it again- barely noticeable, the tiniest hope…. next time, maybe you’ll be there next time.

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

nice. got to me.

triggers

I wonder how much time will pass before the triggers stop being pulled? …smells, tastes, objects – so many things that send me spiraling into the past. Back to a moment in time – a place of you – of us. Things like blueberry donuts, black T-shirts, pocket knives-hundreds of things that make me smile. I need them – cherish them, and thank God for them. The ‘other’ triggers- the ones that drag me back to that morning- replaying every detail again. I was standing in a check-out line a few days ago and glanced down at the floor. hmmm….I know those shoes, Rick used to have a pair of shoes just like those- different color, but yep that’s them- same shoes he had on the night……, the ones the fireman left behind that morning at the……. they’re not in the Tracker anymore though- I got them, put them away with your clothes, the big plastic bin… Always takes a few seconds to snap back to the here and now – back to the check-out lady who was trying to hand me my change.

PURSUIT STATISTICS

PURSUIT STATISTICS: WHAT ARE THEY GOOD FOR?

by Sgt. Travis Yates

The art of self-assessment is an integral part of a progressive, proactive police department. Investigative techniques and administrative decisions are often based upon a regular statistical analysis of the crime rate in the department’s community. Major crimes are required by law to be reported to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Those reported crimes are published and often referred as the Uniform Crime Report. Regardless of where a citizen resides or what their police department tells them, the reported crime rate in their community can be obtained with ease. Collision statistics are also reported to the NHTSA. Many of you must realize that if you change locations and suddenly are forced to pay higher insurance premiums. The reporting of crimes and traffic collisions has a very important place within our society. Citizens would be shocked and angered if their local police department suddenly kept the crime rate a secret. Something very similar is happening in too many jurisdictions across the United States.

Police Pursuits kill an average of one person per day in the United States. That is a fact determined by the NHTSA. Pursuits also end in a collision approximately 33% of the time and injure thousands every year. If you notice I mentioned “approximately.” There is not a requirement or standard for any police department to report on their police pursuits. In fact, many departments do not keep records of their pursuits and many others will never release the information they have to the public. As a citizen or police officer, you must ask yourself why this is and what are police departments scared of?