where’s bill?

quick note about something cool from the hospital yesterday-

where’s bill?
i got this dollar bill back in change from the hospital cafeteria-

This bill has travelled 346 Miles in 35 Days, 18 Hrs, 22 Mins at an average of 9.7 Miles per day. First and only other entry for this bill was May-25-05 06:23 PM from Sugar Land, TX.

I had a boyfriend in high school that moved to Sugar Land, TX.

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

I have never seen anything like that! How interesting would it be to track a bill and see where it goes.

hey God

we’re leaving for the hospital in a few minutes- grandpa’s surgery is this morning. seems like i been asking you for alot lately- i’ve thanked you but probably haven’t said it as much as i should have. mainly because you’ve answered some big prayers for me lately and i get caught up in the living after you do the answering. here i am asking for something again- please give my grandpa the strength to get through this surgery and recover quickly. we need him here so much. hannah- she needs to know what it means to have a dad and my grandpa’s all she has. want her to know him like i did growing up. and i admit, i’m asking for me too- only now where i can spend time with him and learn all i need to learn from him, show him how much i love and appreciate him. we love him so much. please see him through this.
C-

6/30 – came through for me again. thousand billion thank you’s.

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

Have been thinking about you all day Cat.

surgery tomorrow

can’t believe this – doctors called, they had a cancellation. my grandpa wants to “get this over with” so he rescheduled his bypass surgery from friday to tomorrow morning.

i know he wants to get it over with, but -damn, i hate this. trying so hard to block any-all negative thoughts but they still creep in. what if… what if… what if…
i’m a firm believer in the power of thought and if there’s power in positive thinking – there must be power generated in negative thinking. how do you stop the what if’s from forming?!

he had to go to the hospital for tests this afternoon. before he left he started telling me, “if something happens- call Person X, i talked to him, he’ll help you gather the cattle or whatever you need to do.” and “if …………”
i stood there trying to listen and not be scared but hot tears were filling my eyes and i can’t stop them and i don’t want to hear “what if’s” and seeing me upset upsets him and i know that’s not good- he doesn’t need to be upset right now.

and my cousin was coming to pick up hannah after he left because she’ll be staying with them during the surgery and recovery days. (thank god, don’t know what we’d do without her). he started out to the truck then came back and hugged hannah and kissed her again and i know why- and i know what he was thinking and it’s just not fair. he has to be ok. he just has to be.

********

8:35pm need to go over and spend some time with my grandpa. damn me- so hard because in doing so is acknowledging the ‘what if’s’ -but if i don’t, what if….

pornography at the mall

there’s an excellent and enlightening report at grits for breakfast today. if you have children, -go read it.

scenario- you and your child are standing at the checkout in a store. a man/woman is kneeled down tying their shoe next to you- you see this person’s arm reach with a camera and snap a picture up your childs skirt. 

has this person violated any laws?  go on over to grits and find out. you might be surprised.

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

They’ve violated my law.

some more of your business

Ever had something that never bothered you before suddenly start irritating the hell out of you?

phone rings ring ring 

“hello?”

      what are you doing?

“none of your damn business.”

 

I know “what are you doing” is one of the most common and accepted greetings to start a phone conversation but lately this just aggravates me to no end. if you call me- please please greet me with anything besides- “what are you doing?” or you might be the soon to be recipient of my first – “none of your damn business.”

try “hey, how are ya?” or “how you doin’ today?” or “(insert greeting here)”

another irritant – people who say hello back to me like there’s trouble on the line and they aren’t sure if I answsered this end or not. so I say hello again and they say it back to me AGAIN and we volley it 4 or 5 times. spit it out already!

do not call me if you have nothing to say after “what are you doing?”

do not put me on hold for 10 minutes while you answer call waiting. i will wait 60 seconds (give or take depending on the caller) then i will hang up.

do not call me to gossip about anyone – I don’t care who’s screwing who’s wife or husband. (thank God my list of friends is very short so i don’t encounter this very often anymore)

i don’t want to listen to your kids coo or your dogs “talk”. nor do i want to listen to you talk to 3 other people while on the phone with me.

and do not – i repeat DO NOT let the phone ring 50 GD times. if i don’t answer within 5 rings- it doesn’t matter if i’m home or not – i’m not answering the phone. period.

(obviously there are exceptions to all of the above – but for the most part it’s spot on)

ok – i feel better now.

  ps. – wasn’t pissed off when i wrote this- more like an annoyed tangent.  )~

 

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

Helloooo….

549 days and counting

549 days

• 47,433,600 seconds
• 790,560 minutes
• 13,176 hours
• 78 weeks (rounded down)

less 20 days/nights a guest has visited (I know that’s a high estimate)

less 50 nights I hung out at my sis’ house.  

 = 479th night in this house alone surrounded by our things, our memories, and this vast emptiness that was once filled by you and us. really missing you tonight – too quiet without you.

 

609 days, 17 hours, 41 minutes and 7 seconds you’ve been gone.

just noticed today’s date – no wonder you’re on my mind – 1 year 8 months today.

i want to stand on top of the highest mountain and scream your name until it finds you and brings you back to me.

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

felt ya

i thought

it was you.

I still look twice when I see a car like yours. I’ve hurried down the aisle at the grocery store because the guy who turned the corner at the other end looked like you from behind. I turn in their direction when I hear someone say “Rick”. I stop short when I catch a scent of that exact mixture – your soap, your deodorant, your shaving cream. This was different today- I saw you. My heart skipped a beat and jumped in my throat, your name left my lips before I said it. I slammed on the brakes in the middle of main street. maybe it was the way his cap sat a little too high like yours, or that his hair was a little longer in the back than it should be, or maybe that he was tall, slender -or how he was looking down like he couldn’t find his keys when he stepped out of the car. It was you until I blinked- then nothing like you at all. the highest high and lowest low spanning 2 seconds.

if only it had been you. I wonder what I’ll say first when we do meet again…or will I be able to speak at all. I think I’ll touch you -hold you- hang on to you and never ever let go.  

latest

my grandpa. thank you for your prayers and emails and comments. if you know me just a little bit you know i worship the ground my grandpa walks on.

yesterday they did a heart cath, planned to put ’stints?’ in – decided not to because couldn’t get to all the blockages. without going into the details, a previous doctor had said he couldn’t go under anesthesia again- after speaking to 3 heart specialists yesterday, it turns out that -hard to explain – but heart surgery is a whole different ballgame regarding anesthesia. they believe he has 95-96 % chance for survival in heart bypass surgery. he’ll make his decision today. he’s 78 years old. all of this scares the hell out of him and us. i feel better about it today though- after talking to the specialists yesterday.

you’ll never know how much we appreciate your continued thoughts and prayers – thank you. 

 

other news-

on a weird sidenote – i’ve been carrying rick’s phone in my purse.  i never took it out after taking it to my sisters so she could read the numbers off the contact list while i wrote them down. even powered off, the battery wont hold a charge for longer than 10 minutes, …….yet it’s been beeping at me for 2 days.

 

major kudos and applause to my sis- she found/knows an audio enhancement specialist who has argeed to work on the tape(s) for an unbelievably generous fee. turns out he knew rick ‘back in the day’. he can’t start until late july- which is actually better because i’m focused on my grandpa right now.

thank you sis.  

 

the return receipt cards from the FOI requests to the WFPD and TXDPS came back yesteday. They have 10 days to reply by sending the documents i requested or requesting a review and decision from the Attorney General’s office. I’m curious how the WFPD will respond- the documents I requested were ordered disclosed in a previous decision by the AG.

And this time Mr Clement at the TXDPS office will have to reply- I sent this request to his office once before and because I didn’t send it certified RR- he ignored it. Really burns me out to be treated with such disregard by a “public servant”. It’s ridiculous that I have to spend $5 to send a .37cent letter to insure a response. I haven’t even said anything derogatory about the DPS involvement in the pursuit. DPS wasn’t really involved in it- their trooper exited Kell Freeway at McNeil – where the crash occurred. The trooper’s dash cam  recorded the collision- his was the only camera (that I’m aware of) which had a close and unobstructed view of the collision.

 

Father’s Day

 

it ended here…

 

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

I’m sorry C. I’m ……. so …… sorry.

just when ya think….

they couldn’t be any sorrier, any meaner, any more fucked up than they are – you find out something that increases their scumability factor.

get this-

the video tape of the scene of the accident. has bugged janey and me since we watched it.
the female cop who’s filming the video- when the firemen get rick out of the tracker and onto the stretcher- she literally runs up yelling, “i have to remove his jewelry- have to remove his jewelry now.”

bothered me because as far as I’ve ever known- a deceased person’s personal effects are removed at the hospital or morgue. not by a cop at the scene of a wreck.
spoke online to a police officer from houston a few mintues ago and asked him when/where and why if at the scene-
they remove it at the scene if they’re taking it as evidence. remember how long it took me to get the property from the tracker back? yeh. bastards wanted to take his fucking jewelry.

guess it’s a good thing his fingers wouldn’t bend huh Callahan?
this message is special just for you-
- Fuck Off! -

apologies to everyone else- doesnt happen as much as you’d think- but sometimes i find out something that really really pisses me off – this is one of those things.

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

you come here to be pissed, we’re fine with that.