isn’t easy

I try to take the higher road, not lower myself to the level of people like “Willie” (yesterday’s entry). Isn’t always easy, especially when I have ‘intimate’ knowledge of their skeletons and a public forum. Verbal warfare isn’t a place you want to take me. I did learn from the master.

…filet so sharply clean, never know you’re sliced til you’re standing bareboned and bled.

I do blow a fuse in Yonts direction now and then. Figure I’m entitled to that bit of vindictiveness. And I admit I lost sleep over Willies comment during the first part of last night. But that’s part of knowing you’re alive- to feel emotions. Today -I’m indifferent, mildy amused even by their quaint little attempt to “vent”.

Feels good NOT being one of the sheep.

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

No one ever has to tell you what bravery is. No one ever has to explain what pain or suffering are. No one ever has to recite the definitions of love, perserverance and compassion. You are the embodiment of all of these. I spent at least two hours reading your journal from beginning to end and your story will forever be written into my memories, my heart and my spirit. The love you have for Rick is the kind of undying, unconditional love that I one day hope to give and recieve. All you have to remember is that you are never alone. There is always at least one person there to believe in you and share in all your burdens. During the most difficult times, when you felt alone and spent time asking yourself why you were fighting by yourself, you only failed to recognize that he was carrying you.

love and marriage

love and marriage

stole this from Edge.

There are more good looking men in Oklahoma ‘per capita’ than any other state I’ve visited.

I’ve dated and will date from any of the 50 states. I will only settle down with a Texas or Oklahoma man.

I’ve been engaged 3 times.

Rick was my second husband.

My first marriage lasted 6 months. We were 21.

I saw him last year. We met on the side of the road, talked, showed eachother pictures of our kiddos.It was the first time I’d seen or spoken to him since the day I left.

I’ve never said a negative word about him. He was and is a good man.

Both of my marriage certificates had to be re-issued because of errors. 

Rick and I got married less than a week after he asked me. 

We cancelled our ‘wedding’ because everyone (family) wanted to come. Then we snuck off to the JP with his daughter and her boyfriend and got married in secret. 

We married with my mom and dads wedding rings.

The best wedding gifts I received were from Rick’s older brother. A steel guitar pick with CJO stamped into it and a letter welcoming me to the Owens’ family. I still have both.

I might settle down again someday, one mate for the rest of my life.

I will never marry again. 

 

the way she loves

I have a friend from Denison, TX. Jeff (JP) Cantrell. He’s a member of Golgotha, a Christian metal band. JP first emailed to say he’d followed the link through my page there to here. He wanted to let me know the band had been praying for me and Hannah and Rick’s family.

This part is difficult for me to say because I don’t see me as ‘inspiration’ – and I don’t view my fight for Rick as anything above or beyond the call ya know.

Jeff wrote a song he says was inspired by my love for Rick. He recorded it last week and released it on MySpace. You can listen to it here- The Way She Loves.

a sampling of feedback thus far -

“Your song tells about my heart breaks…I can’t stop crying”

“WOW, your lyrics pierce my very soul.The way she loves made me weep. The feelings of my heart are written in your words”

“It makes me cry. Now you have given me hope to contuniue on this
long road of life.”

“Thank you J. P. for letting us know a man’s heart
can be healing to a weary soul. Touching, beautiful song.

“It is a great song with a great melody.. almost cried. lol”

“You are a beautiful man, JP You paint a beautiful picture with this song”

“Wow, great song! You should join our band? Damn you are too sexy, boy”

“Youre a great songwriter at seeing the beauty of love. I must admit that this song made me cry.”

“Heartfelt song. That line about kissing her tears is lyrical genuis”

Please go by and have a listen. The song, his voice – it is beautiful. I won’t even attempt to describe how beautiful because there aren’t words that would do it justice. If you download it, please leave a comment, it’s well deserved and good manners.

thank you Jeff.

HNT 3

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

thursdays just keep getting better

wow

when my internet connection isn’t bugging out – it’s smokin’ fast.

78 MB downloaded in under 2 minutes. hooyah!

if ever

I wanted a search term to come true, it’s the one that showed up in today’s site stats-

“ricky not dead”.

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

Big squeeze….