going back

I wish I could go back to that night. the night before. in your bedroom, eating Popeye’s shrimp. you saved half of yours for me because I didn’t answer my phone til after you left the drive-thru. even saved me a biscuit with honey and butter. your favorite. I popped a movie in, you dozed off. Stupid phone kept ringing. I started to turn it off -so tired, you were so fucking tired. But I didn’t because we’d packed your things, loaded it all in the Tracker- because finally – finally -you were getting out, leaving town for awhile. And I knew if you fell asleep – you wouldn’t leave tomorrow. had to be then, while it was fresh in your thoughts.
if you hadn’t come back to kiss me bye, if I’d turned off your phone, if if if – one if is all it would have taken to put you seconds ahead of the other car.
always end up back here at night.
alone.
wishing,
and dreaming,
and nightmares.
replay rewind replay.
never changes.

i miss you tonite.

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

I don’t really think things are meant to be a certain way, so I won’t tell you what happened for a reason. Like when someone child dies and you hear someone tell the parents that what happened was “just meant to be” and we can’t really know why God takes those we love from us but there was a reason. I’m not gonna tell you that, cuz you’ve probablly heard that more times than you care to recall and I don’t believe that either. But, hate to see you second-guessing your every little move the nite he left you. Things just happen, the time you shared and the life he lived mattered and counted. He would want you to enjoy your life now even if he can’t be here with you to share it. I am sure it’s hard to do, but try. Give yourself a break. Wishing you happiness. J

Taking the Drug War Seriously

The Blog | John Fugelsang: Taking the “Drug War”… Seriously | The Huffington Post

“…….

And this is why so many kids have a hard time taking the drug war seriously. We’re always changing the reasons, but the message stays the same. We keep telling them “drugs are bad! Drugs are bad! Drugs are bad!” and that, my friends, is not the problem.

The problem is not that drugs are bad. The problem is that drugs are great. That’s the problem.

……….”

safe

I stayed at his place Saturday night. Sometime during the night a dream woke me – the bad kind that jerk you awake catching your breath. Can’t remember what it was about or exactly what he said, but I do remember he was right there asking if I was ok.

First time in 2 1/2 years I didn’t spend the rest of the night fightin’ sleep. I had someone warm and safe -and a steady rythym heartbeat drifting me back to sleep.

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

That’s wonderful, Catonya.