2:34 am

3 years ago, right about now, I was climbing into bed. A few hours earlier I helped Rick pack his bags and load them in the Tracker. He was finally getting out -going to stay with his brother in Dallas, get his life back on track. The first time in 3 years, I went to bed and truly believed everything would be ok. for Rick, for me, for us.

so close.

then it was gone
in the blink of an eye.

this song…

A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I dont think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when Im dreaming of your face

Im here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
Im here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight its only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

Im here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
Im here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls, when its all said and done
It get hard but it wont take away my love

Im here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
Im here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Im here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
Im here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
But tonight girl its only you and me

Here Without You, 3 Doors Down

Every time I heard it on the radio back then, I would think to myself,
“I’m identifying with it now because Rick’s living on Princeton and I’m living at our house alone. Soon I’ll be identifying with it because Rick will be dead and I’ll be here without him.”

I HATED it because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking he’s gonna die.

Comment posted by
at 1/1/0001 12:00:00 AM

Oh Catonya…

Listening to that and thinking about all that you’ve written, then the silence when the song ended….

So full of apprehension I guess…not sure how to explain it. I can feel it.

I’m sorry. Hugs to you and Hannah.

Love you forever

Listening to tapes of Rick a lot lately.
I miss his voice.
“I’ll love you forever.”

I miss him.